Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My cat gives me a boner
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
