I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
