he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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