i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
