why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
