The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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