I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
