I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
