I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
