hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
