Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
