Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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