youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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