Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
