and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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