All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
