it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
