you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
