I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
