I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
