I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
