I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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