what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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