Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
