if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
