There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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