I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
