she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm getting married
To pizza
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
