Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
