Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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