We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
