If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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