Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone shattered a urinal.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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