Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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