It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
