i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
