so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
