Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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