"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
