By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
