Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
