Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
