so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
