After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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