He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
