I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
