theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
