I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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