New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
