I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
