I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
