the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was like eating out sand paper
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
