you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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